Derek LeLash
Sunnyvale, CA

Top 10 Least Popular Dwarf Names
10. Gróin
9. Borin
8. Stalin
7. Síli
6. çrtu-Dítu
5. Íni
4. Míni
3. Myni
2. Mö
1. Bashful

David B. Donlon
Alexandria, VA

Top 10 complaints Orcs are telling their therapists:
10. I don't think I have ever really known love.
9. I just turned twenty and I'm already middle aged!!
8. Rape, murder and mayhem begin to lose their luster after a few raids. Nah!
7. Iron shoes give me a bad case of corns.
6. I wanted to be a writer, but it just wasn't in the cards.
5. I'm not evil, I'm just misunderstood.
4. Orc women are butt ugly. I'm serious! Ya wanna know what my ex-orc-wife looks like? Take a look at my butt!
3. When I was a kid, I wanted a bike but my legs were too short.
2. There aren't any really good dark lords anymore.

And the number one thing orcs are telling their therapists is:

1. Dad was always saying, "Why can't you be more like your brother, Grarnag the foetid?

Cory Toth
Hartington, Ontario

Q: Why did the Balrog cross the road?

A: Well, no one knows if the Balrog actually crossed the road or not - the "road" might have been metaphorical, Tolkien was very unclear! :)