Monday, December 25, 2000

The Ninja Strikes Gold - Galadriel @ 3:25 pm EST
This is Galadriel,

For many days I have been occupied collecting information on the recent talk about Rohan.

My story starts in a land far away... I had just returned home when I noticed my Ninja Spy phone flashing. "This must be important," I thought. Picking up the phone quickly and raising it to my ear, I listened. A husky voice echoed through the receiver.

"There is more to this Rohan story than you think..."

And then I heard no sound...

It was time to investigate, so I picked up my trusty Katana and made my way to Stone Street Studios. Reaching the gates I decided to play my chances with the Security Guard and walked straight past him. Obviously my silky cotton Komono of Invisibility was doing the trick and I slipped past without disturbing the peace.

Today I decided my target would be a script writer for the movie, a tall balding man and carrying a briefcase with all the information I needed. Grabbing him while he walked past the shadow in which I lurked, I dragged him towards me. At that moment his briefcase went flying open and all the information I needed went off in the Wellington wind. It was time to act drastically! Scattering my genetically altered bamboo shoots on the ground I tied the script writer over them and submitted him to Bamboo Torture.

"Tell me everything Oldman, or in twenty minutes I will be using you as a garden display for my Japanese bamboo thickets!" I screamed.

The man started blurting out everything, maybe these plot details were too much:

The Rohirrim, frightened by the current war situation that Saruman is forcing upon the people of the Land, decide as a last effort in keeping the helpless safe to send them to the abandoned keep of Helms Deep. Unfortunately Wormtounge informs Saruman of this and the duplicitous wizard takes this as an opportunity to feed his newly born and hungry specialised army of Uruk Hai, thinking, "What better than a bunch of Rohan refugees made up of women and children!"

Meanwhile the two Elven settlements, Rivendell and Lorien, hear of this Uruk Hai invasion and decide to send a small force of warriors in aid. Led by Arwen and Haldir, they move quickly to fortify the Keep of Helms Deep while the Fellowship make their way through Rohan to inform the king that his people are in danger. At this time Saruman is mustering his Wildmen who are angry at the Rohirrim for stealing their land and driving them into the hills; driven by hate they slowly assemble and prepare to march towards the land of Rohan.

Elves hold back the Uruk Hai battalion on the battle field, long enough for the King of Rohan, his Royal Guards, the Riders of Rohan and the Fellowship to secure the keep!!

That is all I will say about the Helms Deep saga. But this brings me to the the filming in Methven (NZ), which is the attack on the Castle of King Theoden. Saruman's army of Orcs and Wildmen march to the castle, Saruman in rage that his Uruk Hai army had been wiped out. Filming in Methven will include such scenes, including the scenes of Merry and Pippin taken prisoner by Orcs and running in the feilds of Rohan.

Now for the bombshell... and this indeed shocked even me...

Arwen will be helping at the Battle of Minas Tirith!!

Now I have said too much... there will be more in other reports.

The rest is for me and my Gods...

As for the script writer, I will only say that my that my Bonzai tree has never grown better.

Always look behind your back twice...