Sunday, January 27, 2002
Tolkien Tribute At Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest - Strider @ 10:43 PST
I'm sure you've heard of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest - the one memorializing a stunningly awful Victorial prose stylist, who began all of his works with particularly tortured opening paragraphs.

Well, the 2001 contest winners were announced on July 9, but I don't recall seeing this priceless bit reported here.

In the fantasy category, the runner up was this piece:
"I could tell you stories about this road we shall be traveling," the old man told his young companions as he leaned on his staff and stroked his silver beard, "of how it was built by Dwarves of the Barad-dur in the days of Thranduil the Great, numberless years before the Elves of the Ered Luin left their silver woods in Lindon, sailed their ships over the Western Sea, and passed from the knowledge of men, but what would you learn from these tales, except that I squandered my college years reading far too much Tolkien instead of meeting girls."
-John La Torre, Sacramento, CA

You can see the winning Fantasy entry (plus all the other howlingly funny winners and also-rans) at:

Scroll down about 20% of the way to see the fantasy section. The competition's main page is at:

Hope you find this as new and funny as I did,